unfolded and unfolding

Where do you see yourself in five years?

I had free periods at work this week, which was really rare for me. I did some work, but spent most of it in Future Land. I'm gradually forming a plan and getting really excited about it. I'm going to cross so much off the bucket list.

Long story short, I wanted to stay in Korea, I even decided that's what I'd do - but now I'm dreaming about traveling, enough with staying still. This week I woke up from a beautiful dream that I knew was too good to be true, and now I need something new to smile about. So I've been making a list of cities and snaking lines through a map of Europe.

I found out this week that my last day in Korea will be December 24th, barely enough time to be home for Christmas. I can't help but daydream about how easy it would be to reunite with England, take the chunnel to France, stroll around Western Europe until I go almost broke, end in Istanbul, and climb my way up to Saint Petersburg. Then from Moscow I can catch the Trans-Siberian, which is a week-long train that ends at the other side of Russia. From Vladivostok I can catch a ferry back to Korea, visit friends, then fly home. If I'm not ready to come home I can get a job in China, Japan, Thailand, Argentina, Peru, maybe Korea...

Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. —Haruki Murakami

There's a new teacher at work. He's a great guy who instantly fits in well with the rest of our (dwindling) group. When I started my school had nine foreign teachers, now it's down to six. It's hard to believe how much things have changed since that first bunch of us. Pretty soon Adam and I will be the oldest staff at the school. So strange! Saying goodbye to good friends so often is painful and it's something about expat life I'd never be able to get used to. Alex has been gone for a couple weeks now. Things just aren't the same here without her calming advice and assured sense of reason. Luckily I got a chance to talk to Terrell tonight. He reminded me I still have my home friends who can do their job just as well from across the planet.

Kim invited me to go with her to Busan this weekend to hang out with her friends down there, so I used it as a chance to ask them questions and see more of the city. I'm glad I went. Seeing the city again helped me make up my mind. I met a girl who'd lived there for over a year. She loves the place and has a great job, but recommended I stay in the Seoul area if I come to Korea again. She told me there really wasn't much to do other than go to the beach. And the beach was mostly a crowded mess in summer, not relaxing like the American ones I'm used to. If I teach abroad again I'll try to make it in another country.

So this week I decided I was ready to leave as I caught myself flipping through my calendar, counting the number of teaching days I have left. It's 72 work days, and 101 days total, in case you were wondering. It's not that I hate teaching now, it's just that now I understand why teachers get such long vacations. I feel myself getting burnt out. Teaching is such a high-energy job if you want to feel any good at it. I need a really long break. I find myself needing to go to the jjimjilbang almost every day after work. Anyway, only like three months left. I can't believe how fast time flies.

busan

Last weekend I finally went to Busan. That's another major thing I can tick off the list. I had a feeling the work week after vacation would be rough, so I knew I wanted to go to Busan this weekend to kind of extend my vacation. Not to sound modest or anything, but that was an awesome idea. Ed was planning to meet his family there that weekend, so I tagged along with him. They were great people and it ended up being a really stress free weekend since I totally just mooched off their plans.

Busan is the second largest city in Korea. It's a beach town all the way on the other end of the country. Patrick and Alex loved it so much they decided to move there for their second year in Korea. Needless to say, another year with them would be amazing. I went to get a feel for the town I may call home for all of 2010. I completely understand why they fell in love with the place. For such a large city, it somehow manages to be quite lovely. I never felt as rushed and stressed as I sometimes can in Seoul. And even though I knew I was still in Korea (home sweet home), I felt like I was in a foreign place.

We went to Haeundae beach, which was pretty breathtaking at first glance. There were tiny, cragged rocks in the distance and houses built onto the side of small mountains. It was adorable. And I got the sense living near the water again would be good for my soul like it was when I lived near Emerald Isle.

We checked out the fish market, which was something I'd been looking forward to ever since I cracked open my first Korean guidebook and discovered that's what Korea is all about. The seafood was so fresh, I never knew mass death could look so beautiful. It was fascinating to be around all those indifferent vendors to whom chopping off fish heads and pulling out guts is the unremarkable everyday. We ate a fish snack and some deadly blowfish along the glistening waterfront. Half a dozen old Korean men walked by, stuck their nose in the take away box and nodded their approval. Brave foreigners! Anyway, the fish snack we got was the freshest seafood I've ever had (and I'm from Maryland!). The last big thing we did was a walk around the gorgeous Beomeosa Temple, which was a perfectly relaxing end to a relaxing weekend.

I need to vent a little. I've been feeling horrible lately about December. I keep hoping to wake up one day soon as the old Mandy who didn't think much past my next meal. If I just extend my contract I can go back to being that girl for at least a few more months. With that logic in mind, I'd kind of narrowed it down to either staying in Dongtan or moving to Busan. I was seriously hoping going to Busan would make my decision easier, but it didn't really help.

I think I fell in love with the place. The question is, do I want to move there knowing I'd eventually take its novelty for granted? It's like that quote from Lost in Translation, "Let's never come back here again, because it will never be as much fun." I'm also weary about finding a good enough school. So, despite how much I loved the city, on the train ride home I only felt defeated. I'm still no closer to making a decision... tune in next time.