debbie downer

I want to tell you all I love you and I kind of just miss having people to say that to.

I wanted only positive blogs. That's why I sometimes go days and days without writing. But how realistic is that? Today I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Korea isn't always an amazing adventure. Real life problems exist here, too. Stop reading now if you read this blog to live vicariously through me. Stop now if you find bliss in ignorance. This entry will only bring you down.

Life is a rollercoaster. Last week I was kind of at the top, sitting there, anticipating the drop. Now I'm not even at the bottom; I'm in the underwater tunnel of the Anaconda at King's Dominion. I hate slumps, especially of the far-from-people-who-care variety.

I've had bad days in Korea. I've had homesick days and bored days. This is a new kind of bad day. The past couple days haven't been so hot. I blame Murphy's law.

The details aren't important. The one positive thing I can say about it is I know I'll grow up from this experience. In the past when I felt this way I would just walk away. But now I can figure out the best way for me to deal and hopefully use what I learn for the rest of my life. Because these days will inevitably come again.

When I came to Korea I felt like I was doing it to force myself to grow up, but now I'm afraid I'll grow up uncomfortably fast. I talked to my brother about it. He told me I can't live my whole life in one day. He knows me so well. Ever since I was a kid I've wanted to just hurry up and be an adult. Now I want to hurry up and be an old lady in a rocking chair. I can't remember a time when I just lived. Mostly I just float through it all to get from day A to day B. I have to stop thinking I can hurry up and still call that living.

Take my last entry, the whole Korea-catalyst thing. I'm not one to glorify baby steps. But maybe now's a good time to start.

This blog is a wonderful way to vent. Something's so perfect about writing it down and releasing it for billions of people to see. I've been trying to put it all in perspective. I've got to take myself less seriously. I need to remember that in the big scheme of things I'm just a speck of dust in endless time and space. So very existential, I know, but I warned you it would be like this!

On the bright side, tomorrow is Friday and the weekend is so so so close...